Maybe I shouldn’t say it, but I’m probably going to anyway.
I’m not so bad about this anymore, but there are times my mouth runs faster than my brain.
I wasn’t raised to shut up. I couldn’t disrespect my parents or grandparents; that’s about where the line was drawn. In general, I was raised to respect others, but I was always allowed to have an opinion and stand my ground. Ergo I was raised with quite an independent nature.
Here is what I learned about opinions; they are like…. You get it, everybody has one.
Not everyone wants to hear it. I would even warn people “I’m brutally honest are you sure you want to ask me?” My opinions were more so laced with razor wire-you didn’t know you were cut until you were bleeding.
Zero tact. And no one had the nerve to tell me. Sure I was called derogatory names but I didn’t know why.
While in one of our early well-handled, sensitive conversations, my husband let me know what others were afraid to say.
He wasn’t wrong and he wasn’t aiming to stab me in the gut-but it did.
I worked so hard to be strong, carry power, be in control, and be the fiercest in the room.
I was just mean. Misplaced anger, dysregulated emotions, and this need to be the woman “hear me roar”. Whatever that even suggests.
That was not a working, long-term goal. I’m not sure what power-hungry female invented the lie that women must be seen as dangerously in control to get things done, but it’s exhausting.
It’s our responsibility to change the narrative.
Change your story instead of holding onto resentment, anger, and blame toward the ones who raised you, hurt you, or at the very least, didn’t help you.
None of us get a say in how we start, but we get a choice in the finish.
We have to take control of the life ahead of us and stop allowing excuses to hold us back.
I spent years blaming my parents for not setting me up for success, not getting me into counseling, and putting way more weight in the place I was raised than it deserved.
Was it harder to get to where I am today- yeah, absolutely- and I cried through it. I pressed on.
I’m better for the sacrifices I made in my adult life. I am better for knowing how capable I am.
Growing up, I was the only girl in the house except for rare moments when my sister was over, and my mom was home from work. I was primarily raised in a home of feral boys and we pretty much had one rule at home-don’t kill each other. Honestly, we came really close to breaking that rule more than once.
We were not forced to get along. We weren’t expected to care what our siblings were participating in -except me when my brothers were playing football because there wasn’t an option.
I know we were loved. We had needs met and all that.
As far as relationships go, we had to learn that on our own.
I look back and I see where many things could have been better, but also where it could have been worse.
I don’t hold resentment for how I was raised- it was just my parents doing what they believed was good enough.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t and I know that is the story for so many.
There was zero emphasis on education, healthy relationships, or healthy ways of coping.
We learned all this on our own and for a few of us, it almost came too late.
I love my parents; my siblings and I glean from my past.
Good and bad- I made sure to take what was healthy and trash the rest.
What good does it do to hold onto what we cannot change or hold onto unforgiveness?
I don’t want to be “good enough”, I want to be exceptional. I want to always look for ways to improve and be better for those around me.
I want a life well lived.
Nothing about who I am would have been possible had I not been invited to church 12 years ago.
Being saved and born again allowed me to have a new perspective. I have the ability to let go and move forward without dwelling.
We should not be guilted into accepting things we didn’t have a choice in or manipulated into thinking we owe anyone anything.
Don’t settle for good enough.
Forgive, move on, and become who you needed as a child.
We will never amount to perfection, and it is an unrealistic expectation to hold anyone to.
I want you to let go of your excuses and blame. As adults, we no longer get to do that because life is in our control (that goes without saying, there are extenuating circumstances for some).
Life is better lived for the day and expecting tomorrow to be brighter.
Don’t give an unwarranted opinion and be sure it’s tasteful when you do.
Life is what we make it, so make it a good one!