I read a thing and my brain started racing. That’s usually what happens- I read or hear something and do my best to apply it, understand it and from time to time I ruminate on it far too long.
“My parents did the best they could, it wasn’t their fault.” That’s what I read.
So, I started thinking, why would anyone accept that as an answer – an umbrella saying, if you will, to catch all the junk falling on them from their past – then use it as an excuse for their lives now?
Did they do the best they could, or did they do the best they wanted to?
Did they really give their child all they could, or did they do just enough to survive?
Did they track down all the resources, try all the remedies, teach life skills, and exemplify those skills?
Listen, I don’t want you to make up reasons to be upset with your parents, but get you to think about yourself in your own life right now.
Often, people accept excuses in place of actions.
So, do you do the best you can?
I am guilty of the same. As an adult who struggled to let go of resentment, forgive, and understand. I held things against my parents (and others) then. I convinced myself they did the best they could. I forgave them for the lack -some of those things were financially out of reach.
Was everything? No, it just wasn’t that important to them, so they didn’t think of it being important to us. Don’t get me wrong, my parents loved me, I didn’t go without my needs met and I love them back immensely.
I had to break the cycle though.
Was I giving my all and doing my best if I didn’t pursue my dreams, be intentional with relationships, and work daily to become better?
Every generation has something they failed at because we are imperfect humans
It is important that we try to do the best we can.
But, I have never met anyone who truly did the best they could.
Isn’t there always more information we could intake?
Another thing to try?
A different way?
In our own lives – do we give it all we have every day?
To God – our kids – our spouses – our jobs – our friends – our community?
Are we honestly doing the best we can?
We all fall short. We need grace and mercy.
It can be exhausting.
Several years ago, I let my past dictate my present with my husband – the wounds, the brokenness, the bitterness. I said to myself, “I’m doing the best I can, look what I went through to get here!”
I wasn’t – I accepted where I was – I wasn’t attempting to better myself or even trying to find resources to help me. I had the attitude of “love me or hate me, it isn’t my problem”
What a sour way to go through life.
Trauma needs to be explored, the root cause found, and then heal – not labeled with an excuse and packed away in the back of your mind to pop up later.
That’s when people get offended – let it go.
When we hold onto things that someone else did to us, it is doing more damage to us than to them.
If we don’t spend time uncovering the pain that scarred us, heal from it, and forgive its origin, then we can’t even be good for ourselves.
Every story is different. Every hurt bears different weight. And I understand some scars go deep, but they still need to be explored and forgiveness learned so you can become the best you.
Don’t let excuses from your parents or your past hold you back.
“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people” Colossians 3:23