Many years ago, there were bad seeds planted in my heart that not only grew deep roots, but those roots wrapped themselves around my entire being.
I tried to ignore it. I tried to medicate it. I tried to fake it. The thing about deep roots, if you don’t dig them up all the way they will keep growing and sometimes cause cracks in your foundation.
My psyche felt cracked, and I felt it down to my soul. I was working so hard toward a degree, not focusing on much else. Taking bites of sermons or pieces of the Bible thinking it was going to sustain me. The roots were too deep. Anger rose to the surface, for no reason, most of the time. I felt muddled because I wasn’t prioritizing the right things and I was overwhelmed.
I didn’t see a reprieve in my future. The job I was at only drained me more. However, I recalled a Bible verse that said, “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the master you are serving is Christ.” Colossians 3:23-24
And so, I did. I worked without expectation. I worked and I did the job for another year. I prayed and began to feel some clarity.
Then…
A little over a year ago, I accepted a job at a non-profit, and the degree I worked hard for helped open that door. I don’t deserve this “elevation” of my life. And it is an elevation. I work in an office full of people who share a goal, helping other people, especially children. I prayed about it, but I didn’t know entirely what I was praying for. I didn’t know the doors that would be open or the opportunities that would await at the end of that first year.
Everyone has a past; I try not to live there. I have done many things I’m not proud of. I can still be a hypocrite; I don’t always listen well to my own advice. I never feel I deserve the place God put me. I guess, honestly, I don’t. As I stop and reflect on all the ways I have been changed and challenged, I see how I have also been used to begin building bridges or planting seeds. I can’t take all the credit; without God, I’m chaos. Without God, I wouldn’t have the confidence to do what I have done. Without God, the roots that take over are of the bad seeds. I have not only been challenged these last 13 months, but change took place in areas I didn’t realize I even needed. Whatever you are doing, do it with gladness and remember you are working for the Lord who has an elevation coming for you, too.