written 9/27/ 2023
Set your mind on things that are good and pleasing and perfect.
That’s hard.
We have human minds with human abilities and easily forget God is bigger than our human problems.
We have Holy Spirit power in our bodies
And instead of saying “but God”
We say “but that one thing or that one person or that one situation”
Sometimes we fixate on the stuff that clutters our life because it’s frequent or shakes up our emotions.
Recently, I’ve taken steps backwards into the pain of barrenness because I feel like I’ve been surrounded by pregnant women for a year between work and church. I fixate on the emptiness and feeling unworthy. I don’t feel physically whole. All the feelings I’ve fought to heal from, come back in tidal waves. And what happens in that attitude of self-doubt? Satan sees the vulnerability and whispers lies trying to get you to believe you aren’t good enough and God isn’t for you. I can’t hear God when I’m focused on the lies. I don’t open my Bible if I’m mad at God. I lose sight of the blessings in front of me.
One of the greatest blessings God gave me is a husband who loves and accepts me completely(let’s be honest, neither of us is missing out on me not having monthly periods😂). I’ve had to do some deep soul-diving and change my perspective. I was getting tired of myself. Finding joy, peace and happiness never felt easy for me and there is an aspect of life right now that I’ve stayed too focused on that’s made it feel impossible. In the midst of my beautiful life, there is a corner of it that’s holding anger. I’ve been angry for a decade and some days it truly gets the better of me. I know I’m not the best version of myself, yet. I know I’ll eventually be someone who lights up a room. The best thing I’ve done in the last few days is force myself to look through a different lens, force myself to read the Bible and pray specifically about my pain and anger I’ve felt at God. He didn’t do this to me. It’s a circumstance of chance and choice. He did create me to be strong enough to deal with it emotionally because ultimately I’ll climb out of that pit as long as I lean into Him. He did create me for love and kindness and mercy and grace. He has given me all of those things. My human condition gets in the way of God’s work.
But God, nothing else.
So…
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Philippians 4:6-8