I didn’t always want to be a mom. I distinctly remember saying to my grandma one day, “I can’t stand little kids I never want a child,” and later thought I had cursed myself.
I have had babies in my life since my little brother was born in 1993. I was 5 and he had to be handled with delicate care for months.
I wouldn’t say I hate Christmas, but I am glad it’s over. I’m not the only one.
I make myself busy and avoid social media.
Holidays can be rough, but Christmas really hits people in a different way than the others.
For me, it’s the longing of motherhood and making memories that I feel like I’m missing out on.
So, I work on Christmas Day instead of sulking in the have nots.
The world has a way of telling us what we should think, how we should feel, and where our worth comes from.
If I’m a mom, I’m worthy enough to have friends.
If I’m a mom. I’ll gain respect.
If I’m a mom, I’ll be taken seriously.
I’m 35 and still feel like people don’t trust me with babies because I haven’t had my “own”.
The truth is, I’d love to be a mother, but the rest still ruminates in my thoughts constantly.
And when I pray to be what God called me to be, for His will to be done, I always pray, “and to make me a mother, however you see fit, in your time, whatever that looks like.”
So, when I take account of this life, I see all of the ways I “mother” in the way he has called me, and it doesn’t look like the world’s definition, because it isn’t supposed to.
A mother is one who gives life, but that life is ultimately from God.
But what of a mother’s heart? The sacrifices I’d make for the children in my life are no less because I didn’t give birth to them.
I bind my family together, love them with my actions,
I teach, care for, feed, and discipline.
It isn’t the way I pictured it, and oh does my heart long for tiny fingers to reach up to me and know that I am mom, mother, and protector.
Some days the ache doesn’t stop.
But, I love the ones I have with a fire and God has blessed me.
And I know for many, your hard is similar to mine every Christmas. But, for everyone else, your “hard” is something completely different.
But, we make it through for the family we are blessed with – whatever that looks like for you.
We push through because “tis the season to be strong.”
Christ was not born to ensure we all received what we wanted. HE is what the world needs.