I created a reputation for myself of being the girl that would never:
Never go to socials.
Never go to lunch.
Never smile.
Never strike up a conversation.
And NEVER get on stage in front of a bunch of women with a microphone and speak audible words (even for 3 minutes).
I didn’t do this on purpose, but it came with the walls I put up.
I didn’t want to let my defenses down.
I didn’t want to be that exposed.
If I smile-if I talk- if I remove any piece of my armor, they will see me and be able to reject me.
There is something comforting about darting through the crowd, sitting in the back, and not being noticed. I used to wish for an invisible cloak like the one Harry Potter had.
Here is the deal. God did not say to clothe yourself in your own armor made of attitude and anger topped with a snarl and a bow of sass.
He said clothe yourself in the full armor of God so that you can stand against the devil’s schemes.
The Devil’s schemes include, but are not limited to, keeping you from fulfilling the calling God has on your life, in all situations.
Not everyone will like you. That’s okay! Love them anyway and move on.
The first thing I did on day 1 was decide to be social with women I sort of avoided because I didn’t feel like I “fit in”. I did most of the “never would I” and stepped back so God could fight the devil for me. That’s all that was. I never gave any of them a reason to dislike me-just more lies of the enemy I listened to.
I came home exhausted, hungry, and ready for quiet. Ultimately, I was full of peace, gratitude, and proud of myself for not doing the expected.
I want to be caught doing things people never expected because it means I’m growing and listening to the Holy Spirit.
Day 2. I fought against the discomfort of the long day ahead of socializing and kept my mind open, my heart receptive and told God to use me.
I did the rest of the “never would I”, stood in the gap, and let myself be a vessel, whatever it looked like. I refused to have any excuse that removed me from God’s work.
Day 3. I was there and present and that is exactly where I needed to be.
I was unsure what to expect from this conference. I was tired, but not exhausted. I was full of peace and love and not the least bit weary. The messages were great, and I was able to take pieces from them. I received a message that wasn’t audibly spoken though. I had an unexpected takeaway from the conference that will continue to help me grow throughout this next season of life. I know every message will not always speak to my season of life, but I can still use it.
This weekend I didn’t make a ton of new friends, or find “my circle”, but I did strengthen relationships I already had. I revealed more of myself to others and let God stretch me.
I won’t pretend like there wasn’t a difficulty in the exposure of my flesh. There was.
(Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the spirit.)
I won’t even pretend like I loved every minute of the 3 days, because I didn’t. I love being home, with my husband, barefoot, bare-faced, and relaxed.
The biggest triumph is the genuine love I felt for all the women there. My heart full because I felt it back.
The best compliment I received was “I know the Holy Spirit is working in you because the changes I have seen wouldn’t be taking place otherwise”.
I do work too, but nothing would be happening if I wasn’t receptive to God.
Maybe you are like me and weren’t brought to tears and that made you feel utterly broken. That’s fine. I’m not built that way. God was still moving. God was still using me and He was still revealing a message to me.
Your Heavenly Father knows you! He knows how to speak to His children.
It isn’t over. It’s getting bigger, better, and more is coming, and I can’t wait to see where He takes me next.