My brother has described our family as “poor white trash” growing up, but I am inclined to disagree (it isn’t the first time or the last time). I have a different perspective and that’s okay. I understand why he has the one he does and why he may feel that way. I personally do not recall being victimized by the economic status of our family.
When I was way too young to remember, we lived in government housing and used food stamps. The first home I give my childhood memories to didn’t feel “trashy”, Granted, our kitchen table was a horrendous green picnic table, and we had one tiny bathroom and 3 little bedrooms for 7 people. We had a clean home, if not for any reason other than the fact that my mother couldn’t stand bugs. I had no clue how low our economic status was, or that it mattered to people.
My grandmother would give my mother her Dillard’s charge card to keep us in nice clothes for the start of a new school year. Several homes in our neighborhood were nice for the time, but many were run down, and I’m surprised they still stand today. The neighborhood itself was on the “poor” side of the line and everyone knew it. By the time high school rolled around, we were far removed from the neighborhood and the stigma that followed. I knew several people who lived in our area and went to the same school, they seemed to have it made in the friends group. I think I was more affected by my lack of outgoing personality and ability than anything. My two older brothers were smart, well-liked, talented in football, and had many friends. From my perspective, they did well. My older sister is a natural beauty, guys and friends seemed to come easy for her.
Perspective matters because I never knew what my siblings went through, I didn’t know their mental struggles and I wasn’t privy to their private life any more than they were mine. The older I get and the more conversation I have with my teenager, I realize as a parent it is important to respect all perspectives of a situation and explain why yours looks different. Many times, parents don’t believe in giving a response to their children outside of “because I said so”. This allows for resentment and misunderstanding to fester. As an adult, I wanted so many times to go back and understand my parents and their reasoning and for them to ask us as kids how we felt.
That’s perspective, though, and we need to give understanding to others. We expect that everyone will see a situation the same as us or react like we do without considering the maturity of brains, the ability to process, or the experiences beforehand. I spent many years blaming my parents for not getting me into counseling, but they didn’t know better. I blamed them for how they responded to my situation, but I hid a lot of my emotions. I was an angry, hateful teenager and that could have been for any reason.
Here is the thing about perspectives…they are laden with feelings. And I believe this is where the whole “my truth” came into existence. Well, let’s call it what it is, your perspective-it’s not that fancy or that serious. Perspective is not always the truth, it’s just how you accept a situation or how it affects you. So often when we dig into experience or circumstance to uncover the roots, we can gain a new perspective. To expect someone else to share those feelings is a little absurd. Finding the truth, the facts, in all situations will require communication, understanding, and empathy. I have gained many new perspectives with age, time, and prayer. When I have prayed over something God has revealed the real truth to me and given me peace about it-an understanding beyond my human comprehension.
“Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth” Colossians 3:2
This goes without saying, but there will be very obvious things that occur in life and it’s not just about perspective- they are things that smack you in the face that all parties involved will have no choice but to acknowledge.
How many fights and disagreements could you have saved yourself if you had just taken the time to lift up that rock and see the other side?