Just sit with it.
The emotions.
Don’t try to fix anything right now.
Give yourself a moment to breathe in and breathe out.
Feel. Process. Close it out.
Sometimes… eh, most of the time, I am running on 473 tabs open in my brain (I don’t even think I’m exaggerating).
I don’t know about you, but I’m not a machine. My processor is not that fast.
All of those open tabs just keep getting flipped through, but never completed and never truly closed out.
I might file a few to the back, the less pressing, less demanding ones-but I will go back and open them eventually. For now, they are taking up space.
I like to tell myself I handle all of the data just fine.
But then a day like today happens and I cannot store one more thing without closing out an open tab.
My server crashed. In other words, I cried so hard for the first time in a year (seriously) that tears were uncontrollable.
My tabs stay open. I run them, work through them, and keep going.
I knew I was getting close to capacity because I could feel it in my soul.
I was stirred and uneasy.
I spent more time with God this morning than usual because I was troubled.
I prayed for tears.
My life hardened me to the point that actual tears are difficult to produce (work in progress).
Sometimes, feeling life is difficult.
So, I did all I could and prayed for a move inside my heart and soul.
The Lord delivered.
And it was total relief.
I was raised in a time when crying was seen as weak. Crying was too emotional. Crying meant damage. Crying was weird.
That was wrong. Crying is cleansing, necessary, and a connection to the Lord. I prayed a prayer, and he answered and I wept.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” Psalm 30:5
I didn’t have a reason to cry per se. I was crying and I’m not a crier. I’m not sensitive. My feelings don’t get hurt easily. But there I was…
The Lord knew what I needed, and he waited for me to ask.
We underestimate that power. His power.
My cry was to the Lord—a cry for help, a cry for connection. I asked because I needed it.
I have spent so much time busy with all the tabs in my head that I have neglected so many other areas.
The world is noisy.
The world is busy.
Take time to sit with it.
The emotions and God and close out some tabs.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book”. Psalms 56:8