Are people toxic?
Can we talk about this spirit of unforgiveness resting in people’s hearts, disguising itself as toxicity?
I was speaking to a wise woman today and her words left me in my thoughts.
I have also been guilty of saying “So and so is toxic and I am not associating with them”.
Why do we do that? Why, as Christians especially, are we so quick to jump on a trendy little word and use it to our benefit? Most of the time it seems people are throwing words around with little to no understanding of their meaning.
Often, using “toxic” is a cover to feel better about why we are no longer associating with someone or forgiving them.
What is a toxic person? According to Webster, (not Jesus) they are self-centered, manipulative, abusive, and lacking in empathy. That could also be some characteristics of a psychopath and about 30% of the population has psychopathic traits.
Let us not get off topic.
Typically, it goes something like this:
- Parents did you wrong as a child = toxic
- Partner lied, cheated, and abused substances = toxic
- You and your former bestie got into fights = toxic
The list could go on and maybe some of you have honestly had people you need to separate from because they were not good for your life and their occupying space was “toxic”.
So, how many of us have truly known a “toxic” person?
How many people have just needed to be forgiven (all of them), communicated with, and listened to?
How many times have people been cut off because they no longer serve you (who is “toxic” now?)
Maybe our parents did the best they could with what information and tools they had.
Maybe the partner abusing substances has a bigger problem than being unfaithful and they need true help.
Maybe the former bestie and you had your season and it is simply time to move on.
All of these situations deserve and require forgiveness.
People who irritate you, disagree with you or correct you are not toxic, you just don’t want to hear what they have to say.
As a matter of fact, Jesus never said to cut off people who we deemed “toxic”.
Recently I read in an article that “to cut off toxic people is to have a belief that there are pure people in society.” Well, that can’t be true, right? Not in this world.
Proverbs 13:20 says “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble” Proverbs 22:24-25 “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in snare.”
We have a rule to live by when we make friends and associate with people.
Do you ever ask, “Am I the problem?” because it can’t ALWAYS be someone else, as that would insist you are without flaws (pure to their toxicity).
Matthew 5:44 “But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!
Jesus did not say to shun, cut off, or degrade.
We are not of this world and should not act like it. Loving people is hard, and probably one of the toughest things to do.
Dive deeper into the issues before you decide someone is no longer worth your relationship. And even if that is what you choose, they are always worth your prayers, as much as that may pain us to give on behalf of some people.
Obviously, we don’t want to have ties with those who would bring us to sin and are not in line with the word of God.
Be careful how you choose your words and label another person.
Ask the Lord for clarity, discernment, and help navigating.