It felt so lonely most of the time
Aaron and I are the closest in age-only separated by 21 months.
We should’ve been best friends. We should have been each other’s biggest cheerleaders.
But,
Broken people and addiction stole that.
We don’t “get it” when we don’t go through it.
When we break it down to a chemical strong hold on the brain it makes a little more sense.
When we understand the trauma someone is running from, because confrontation is hard, we become a little more compassionate.
We all have something but it’s never as vilified because maybe it’s not a substance destroying your family
But it’s a phone destroying your communication with your spouse and kids. It’s working 7 days a week, missing achievements of your children and family dinner.
People will say “how can you choose the pills or booze over your family?!”
I was that person too.
I couldn’t understand.
When I was 10 my brother started using drugs. I had no idea because something had already caused him to push away, and I wasn’t privy to his life.
I actually-sort of- caught him trying to be sneaky with it.
Our rooms shared a wall and one night I heard him scratching around and I thought he was inside the wall…
Well, he was. He is a clever guy and made a hidey hole in the bottom of his closet. I snooped and told my parents.
When his drug use became household knowledge is when things took a very dark turn.
His drug abuse only escalated.
Every day felt like a war zone because my parents were fighting with my brother constantly.
One night I recall it got so bad I crouched in the corner of the laundry room with my little dog as my mom sobbed and my dad yelled and fought with my brother. Things were breaking, and I was terrified. I honestly thought my dad was gonna kill him.
My dad isn’t a big man-but he wasn’t small either. And when he was mad, it was frightening.
By the end of that fight, there was an “Aaron-size” hole in the wall.
Darkness covered our home.
We didn’t have a healthy family dynamic.
All focus was on the one child who was out of control. The rest of us fell off the radar.
It became work, school and fight with Aaron.
The rest of my childhood was gone. My innocence waning.
My baby brother, who is 5 years younger than me, spent a lot of time with grandma and that was the best place for him.
I wanted so badly to hang out with my brothers that I did what I had to, to be next to them. At 14 I had my first taste of alcohol, and I liked it. I liked the feeling. I liked the response I got. I was cool!
This moment set me up for a battle I ended up facing later in life.
Addiction is an ugly beast.
I lost my brother to it for decades-and more than once, almost permanently.
Addiction ripped holes in a family that loves each other but had no idea how to show it or how to acknowledge it.
Addiction took my sister- almost permanently.
And my grandfather too early.
Alcohol abuse nearly took my mother and myself.
And caused more pain than I have dare let in.
What I have learned- Addiction is hard on everyone involved, not just the addicted.
I give the glory, the thanks, the saving to God because that’s how we are here today. God put people in our lives to help us through the messes that were created.
Overcoming addiction isn’t meant to be a journey we walk alone.
I can see the pieces fall into place.
Aaron died- Aaron was saved. God has used him in countless lives.
And I have my brother here today cheering me on because those chains of addiction were broken.
My sister- we are so alike, yet so different, and she fought a hell of a battle and I get to talk to her all the time.
I have a story to take to my clients and future clients- a testimony of overcoming.
There is still so much brokenness in this family, but we are repairing it together one step at a time.
And changing the projection of our own children.
We couldn’t heal if addictions were still part of the story.
Addiction takes too many lives-please don’t let it take yours.
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life-is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with these desires so whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17.