I was much more nervous about reuniting with the halls of my old high school than I have been about most things.
But I was there to do the job I asked for.
Driving that old road, leading me back to the days of dread, was never on my “to do” list.
The one memory my mind holds onto is Junior year, my last year. I was standing at my locker and the guy I just started talking to genuinely wanted to go out. I was happy for a moment, and the next it was ripped from me by a dad who refused to let me have that space.
I was called away from him- it was unbearably embarrassing and I recall the anger I had all the way home.
Now, the halls are repainted and lockers no longer stand there. I am left with a faded memory, a sliver in time that I hold onto.
High school is supposed to be the time of your life when you only worry about making grades and hanging out with friends.
For me, high school was filled with a lot of rejection, failure, and hopelessness. That whole time period was depressing, sometimes unmanageable, and never something I wanted to relive.
I would go out of my way to avoid the town as much as possible.
I would take back roads around the town, so I didn’t have to face the memories that told me I wasn’t good enough.
20 years really changes the perspective.
It’s funny how God brings us full circle, much to my chagrin, but I have learned to trust Him.
So, I walked the halls and ventured down memory lane with an ache in my heart.
Not so much regret, but a feeling of loss. Time wasted and moments I was robbed of.
It’s hard not to relive the pain of your past and want to sit in it.
But, no matter what, the road eventually led me right back to what began to break me and what will help finish healing me.