Someone hasn’t heard my story – someone needs to hear yours.
Sometimes I feel like my story is old and tired, because that is how I feel about it. I get tired of living the feelings and the memories and the reminders.
The barrenness has echoed throughout the years. Day after day, month after month, year after year.
The echo becomes fainter as time goes on, but it never quite leaves my mind alone. I know all the details of that ache, but you don’t, maybe you want to? It is why I created this space, to be vulnerable and relate to those who aren’t quite ready to bare their scars-the invisible ones.
Those so deep we feel them to our bones.
For so long I lived with an emptiness in my heart because of the literal emptiness I felt inside. The space where nothing is-where something should be.
Should it be? Science says, and the world says, and I said because the doctors said, “you’re missing parts”.
But what did God say in Psalm 139?
-You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
-He knows you, for he made all the delicate, inner parts of your body. He knit you together in your mother’s womb.
-He made you wonderfully complex.
He has a plan; a purpose – that may never disclose all the answers to every question. That is not ours to know.
I have wondered before – “God, if you knit me together in my mother’s womb, why did you leave out some of the stuffing?”
There is no one to blame. It is not God’s fault.
I have no idea what human thing happened while I was being formed to disrupt my DNA.
But here I am.
I count my blessings because I am alive, capable of so much, strong, and brilliant in my own right.
I am human as well – so every now and then I feel the lacking, echoing in my consciousness, trying to tell me I’m not good enough.
I’m missing something.
I wasted so many years on a belief that I was less than.
Messed it up too many times.
I wasn’t a person anyone wanted to befriend because I didn’t know how to love myself to begin to love another.
But there is power in the blood of Jesus, and that power saved me.
God gives more chances than we deserve, to get up and try again.
Don’t let the echoes of the hurt and the pain of your mistakes convince you that you aren’t worthy enough.
Turn the dial in your mind and set it to follow the voice of the Lord, not the voice of what was.